kohzhihao; tanqianyi ♥

i am damn pissed off.
it's not my fault that i got sick is it?
wanted to take leave but didn't.
went for work as usual.
kept sneezing and coughing.
gastric pain somemore.
alan asked me to rest.
joyce went to buy something for me to eat.

jesslyn and shao jie came to work late again.
and this time when she saw me,
she simply just stared at me.
when i asked her what's wrong,
she snubbed me.
wth.
i just can't stand her anymore and so confronted her.
she asnwered back,

i am not like SOMEONE,
can use her beauty to mesmerize the guys to do her work for her.
and then take all the pay as if she really did do it by herself.
come here and act all pathetic to gain sympathy.
if you really don't want to work,
then just OPEN your mouth and say.
don't have to act all sick and poor thing.
making me sick only.

i really can't stand her and so stabbed her back.

at least i am punctual unlike someone.
always late and yet can still say so much.
i know that you don't like me the first time you saw me.
but that doesn't mean that we have to quarrel in work.
we can always just ignore each other.

know what she said?

omg.
i can't just ignore a plain BITCH.
thinks that she is so popular.
thinks that everyone likes her.
of course i despise you the first time i saw you.
who can like that plain bitch look?
serves you right that your guy left you.
he can't stand it too.

i effing wanted to slap her but i didn't.
took up the cup of milo that joyce got me and spilt it all onto jesslyn's bag.
got my bag and walked off.
alan and joyce sms-ed me.
but i didn't reply them.
i just needed some time alone.
sat alone at a corner and cried.
i can't control myself any further and called dee.
but his mum answered.
and she said harsh words.

her: hello?
me: *silence*
her: i know that you are stacy.
and you probably already know who i am.
me: yes.
her: i trust that zhihao already told you everything?
me: yes.
her: well then, i just want to cut to the point.
you should know that i don't really like the idea of you being with zhihao.
and it has been affecting his studies plus because of you,
he comes home later than usual and sometimes neglect his studies.
as a mother, i don't wish to see my son waste his life away just like this.
do you understand?
me: yes i do.
her: i know that you like him but sometimes you must make some sacrifices.
i am sure that you will learn to find another guy soon.
so i am telling you now to please stop calling zhihao or finding him in school anymore.
you are a nice girl but just not the right girl for zhihao.
me: ok. bye.

can anyone please tell me why?
why is this happening?
my heart is already frozen solid.
no amount of heat can now help.
she made her stand clear and firm.
and me?
i can't even stand up and work now.
went to find nel bro and cried again.
even nel bro told me that everything will be alright.
but why do i feel so empty inside?
like something bad is happening.
or going to happen.

pleaded with nel to buy some liquor.
he bought some tiger and i drank 3 cans.
my mind was hazy after that and nel accompanied me home.
shawn helped me to my room.
thank god that mum and dad weren't at home.
slept till now.
it's 11pm.
my head still hurts.
the first time that i drown my sorrows.
i have been drunk before but this time,
it feels different.
it feels so bitter and sad.
so emo.
just so empty and lonely.

my evil side