kohzhihao; tanqianyi ♥

./there are many things in life that we can't control.
./there are many things in life that we don't know.

i am truly angry with lav right now.
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rewinded

1.32am
'hello? stac? i don't know how to tell you this but...*crying*'
'what's wrong manda?'
'lav passed away due to an overdose of drugs in her hostel.'
'...'

i was quietly waiting for manda to give me the
'Ahha! Got'cha!'
sound but it never came.
at that moment,
my mind was blank.
i hated lav and scolded her.
scolded her for leaving us,
for leaving me.

just 4 months ago,
she went back to australia for her new school term.
and now,
she's gone.
because of what?
drugs?!

why on earth will lav take drugs?
she has got everything a girl wants.
money.
looks.
guys.
great parents.
overseas education.
great friends.
perfect relationship.
good grades.
it really doesn't give me an answer why.

digging up the photos taken with lav.
my tears flowed down.
gene said that she actually committed suicide because of her australian boyfriend.
apparently they were together for 6 months and had sex but the guy wanted to end it all last week.

wtfcuk.
jerks.
they are all jerks.
i just hope that he sleeps well in the hostel everynight.

lav was found dead at 8.15pm on 19 January 2008.
her parents gave her a church ceremony in australia.
now they are arranging for lav's body to be send over to singapore.
and lav will have a funeral tomorrow at one of her favourite church.

there's no doubt that we are all going.
right now,
i am fighting back my tears.
i want lav to see the cheerful me.
she always dreaded to see me in tears.
i believe she will be dressed in her very best and watching over us tomorrow.

A tribute to my best friend, Lavender Lynns Steven
16 March 1989 to 19 January 2008
we got to know each other in 2004.
we had laughters together.
we played pranks on others.
we skipped lessons just to go to a concert.
we threw dry ice in the lab.
we had sushi for a whole week during our investment programme.
we cried and laughed when we got our results.
we oogled at cute guys and snubbed when they approached.
we cried when you left for australia.
we vowed to stay in touch and be best of friends.
we had national day together.
we had sleepless nights together.
we made priceless videos for each other.
we promised to go paris together.
we aimed to be the world's top lawyer and musician.
we said to meet again when you come back in june 2008.
we were supposed to spend my 18th birthday together.
but you left.
you left all alone in australia.
without any of us by your side.
you left me to go fulfill the promises alone.
you left me to go over to the other side alone.
you didn't even give me a chance to say my last words to you.
you are just so cruel.
i guess you went back to god.
you must love him more than us.
i love you, lav.

i regret not im-ing her when i saw her online last 2 weeks.
she was already facing relationship problems.
and yet i was too preoccupied with my schoolwork to even listen to her.
now it's all too late.

i hope you rest in peace now lav.
and please know this,
i love you.

stac.

my evil side