kohzhihao; tanqianyi ♥

shawn is tying the knot.
congratulations.

i shall not disclose much that happened on that day.
by right,
i should not.
but i feel the urge to let things out.

the moment shawn held alicia's hand and announced that they were getting married,
i teared.
it's one thing that shawn let go of evelyn.
and another that he's getting married to someone he just met.
perhaps if the other party was evelyn,
i will be willing to look at this matter more cheerfully.
but alas.
he chose alicia instead of evelyn.

if given a chance to choose,
i will still prefer evelyn to be my sister-in-law rather than alicia.
but shawn let evelyn down and i can't ask her to come back just because of me.
no.
i can't be so selfish.
evelyn has the right to pursue her own happiness.
shawn is the dumb one here.
not that alicia is bad.
but i just prefer evelyn more.
maybe because evelyn had been with shawn for 5 years.

i simply can't accept this.
i stood up from my seat and proceeded back to my room.
sherlin knows me best.
she will always be on my side.
but this time,
she stood on shawn's side.
their side

mum,
dad and sherlin had a talk with me.
but still.
how can anyone forsake the truth that the two of them just barely met?
shawn tried to talk to me but i scolded him.
i scolded him for letting go of evelyn.
i scolded him for not thinking for me.
i scolded him for being so selfish.

i hate you!

the last line that i said to him.
eventhough i don't mean it,
i just felt like saying it.

dee told me to let things go.
evelyn and shawn are history.
while shawn and alicia will be the future.

seriously i still can't accept it.
and can't come to terms with it.
but i know that no matter how i object or pout,
the wedding will still go on.
and shawn will still get married with alicia.
and alicia will sooner or later be part of the Tan family.
thinking about these,
my heart wrenched.
but still i have to give them my blessings.

and it has to come from the bottom of my heart.
somehow i am going to do that.
and give them my true blessings.

should one day i really stop talking to shawn,
i will still have no regrets.

right now,
everyone in the family is talking about their wedding.
but not me.
i don't think i will ever bring up this wedding until it comes.
and once the wedding is over,
i will revert back to my corner.
i guess then i won't say anything else wrongly.
otherwise i just know that my words will be heart-piercing to shawn.

so yeah.
my blessings bro.

my evil side